Around and All Over.

He kissed her like her lips were air and he couldn’t breath
She was swallowed up by him so deep she couldn’t see
Overwhelmed and unsure she felt for him
but she was all he could ever need
She loved him no doubt
but felt stuck in her seat
He really loved her, I promise he did
but gave her no space, no room to live
he beat her mentally over time
broke her down till she lost her mind
She cut off everybody off making him her world
Naive girl, thinking he could make her dreams come true
When he was only suffocating her mind
until her soul turned blue
The arguing and the lies were going no where
She loved so hard and overly cared
He came in and out of her life here and there
Expecting her to never evolve and always stall for him
And she did for while
then a while became forever
until she evolved into something she always said she’d never
Heart wide open with her thoughts a whirlwind
She made the decision to cut ties
To kill all the resentment planted in her eyes
Sometimes when you love someone
you have to let them go
Want them to love you right
but they’re only here for growth
Each lesson has a reason
blessings come in disguise throughout the seasons
Real love is rare
Phony never cared
Give love space to evolve
So you’ll never doubt their love at all

nxn

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Fear.

dwds

There is a safety in our fear. But this safety is not true because it will gently hold you down and nurse the doubt in your mind. There is a certain comfortability in the steady state of chaos knowing there will always be that counted on confusion. It is easy to find comfort in our sadness or even our pain. Why? Because as long it doesn’t change then we don’t have to change. We don’t have to think about the failure or if we might not make it. There is stability in fear. It grows slowly inside of us and sits like boulder in the bottom of your heart. Sinking it down, day by day. It was there yesterday, this morning and it’s there right now. It takes no courage to have fear, no strength to be dependent on fears’ safety. Change takes effort and time. It can’t be calculated or measured. There is no set answer or path. It is the opposite of fear with no safety net to allow yourself to gently be caught if things don’t go as planned. I think that’s the most beautiful part about it. Change brings new beginnings and outlooks about all the “safety” fear brings. Change brings undiscovered happiness and experiences. Fear will have you sitting in the same spot, looking around watching everyone else grow, taking control of their own journey. Fear is safe, but you won’t get anywhere with it. Only back to that excuse of “why you can’t do something”. With change you can never go wrong. You might not get exactly where you wanted to go but you will get somewhere new. Who’s to say if you fall or fly if you never try?

Move passed it.

I don’t like the memories
because my tears come so easily for me
that I forget to turn them off
Then before I know it
All of it is coming out of me
and it’s quite hard to get free
Remembering is easy
Forgetting is hard
But forgiving is something you decide from your heart
All the bad has been done
All the promises have been broken
The past can only creep up in your mind if you let it
The feelings can only overwhelm you if you regret it
So be at peace with your past
Be at peace with yourself
Never letting a old decision interfere with your mental health
The time is now and this is your future
You cannot change what has already been done
But by moving on
You’ve already won.

over-6219

Stimulation.

You can’t look for happiness in the money you make or the men and women you open up your hearts to. Search for these things here and you will be looking forever. Vacant hearts long for stimulation on another level, something that is pure. Hollow hearts attach to the first thing that stimulate interest, but they never slow down and ask themselves, “is this really happiness?” Some get blinded by the thought of love and the thought of fulfillment. But it is a lie non-the-less, because the first romance should be with yourself. You look for happiness in all the wrong places because its within you. Everything else is an add on, self love comes first. You can’t find it anywhere else. What do you love?

lpl

Read please.

“We have a natural tendency to assume that a remarkable chemistry between two souls is confirmation that they are meant to be together. In the heat of profound feelings, it seems counter-intuitive to imagine ourselves separate from our beloved. But chemistry and longevity are not natural bedfellows. Just because we feel earth-shatteringly alive with someone doesn’t mean they are supposed to be our …life partner. They may have come for a very different reason – to awaken us, to expand us, to shatter us so wide open that we can never close again. Perhaps they were sent from afar to polish the rough diamond of your soul before vanishing into eternity. Perhaps they just came to give you new eyes. Better we surrender our expectations when the beloved comes. They may just be dropping in for a visit.” – Jeff Brown

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Her.

Been there, didn’t do that
I heard you played her
Wish she knew that
I tried to warn her
But love is blind
You couldn’t see
The pain in her eyes
You lied
and stepped out on her
She cried
and loved you more
You hit her
and she fell to the floor
She got up
and walked through the bedroom door
Didn’t realize she was fighting to die
Never knowing if she’d see
The next sun rise
Way too timid
She fell right in it
Always asking why
He had his way with her
Took her and jaded her
His sorry didn’t make up for it
Her make up couldn’t cover it
She stayed until
She was lost in hurt
Her shell was damaged
Her life caged
But her soul was waiting
For the new age
She been there, did that
Never again
Know your worth
Nothing less than a ten

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Enough is Enough.

Searching for the naked truth of your condition. Searching for the cure to this addiction. You feel like you can’t stop but.. you might die. This is your life decision. An addiction is nothing to be over looked or under played. A reoccuring substance, a repeated act. These elements take over your life. Thoughts blurred into an urge. So you purge every day, hoping to throw up the pain. These demons eat your being from the inside out, filling you with nothing but doubts. Until it leaves you broken and afraid, weak and dissapointed at the mess you made.

jkYou fill the blunt up with nuggets of your grief. You roll up the hurts in a gutted leaf. You think the exhale will blow way your problems into the air. You’ll laugh as they evaporate and then you just stare. What you don’t realize is you only broke down maybe a gram or two, but that doesn’t kill the negativity growing inside of you. You sniff up that white powder like it’s your only way to get by. Not seeing that every sniffed line is a detriment to your human life line. You feel stuck, cemented down. All your friends live on top of mountains, while you continue to drown. You try to muster up enough energy and courage to face another day but that prayer seems unanswered and those tears show no cure. You want more when see everyone moving and growing around you, as you stagnantly whither and crumble. You forget who are you so the walk becomes a stumble.

Its not a good feeling to wake up wishing an end. Waiting for the days to be over so your soul can mend. Time goes by so slow you feel yourself getting older, drink so much you forget what its like to be sober. You can’t seem to find the answer at the bottom of that bottle, so you try another. Five cans down, five to go. You keep drinking to forget you are so depressed and low. All you can think about is getting in your car, driving far, and letting go of the wheel as you look to the stars.

And through this all, we forget that God gives his biggest, most rigorous, battles to the strongest soldiers. He is our molder. If he thinks we are strong, in times of difficulty why should we think any differently? We were created to be tested but to also strive. No one will give you a map to the perfect position of your life. You have to put yourself there by deciding that you want the light. You are more powerful than any addiction and Gods plan for your life is a perfect creation. You matter more to your mother than you think. Your friends cherish you more than they show. I am here to tell you, you matter and you can get better if your up for the challenge. Your life is purposeful and you are too beautiful to let your existence waste away and dull. God will arrange it but He will not change it. It is up to you to invest in the betterment of yourself. It is up to you to shut your demons up. Live or die? It’s up to you to say “I want better, so enough is enough.”