Searching for the naked truth of your condition. Searching for the cure to this addiction. You feel like you can’t stop but.. you might die. This is your life decision. An addiction is nothing to be over looked or under played. A reoccuring substance, a repeated act. These elements take over your life. Thoughts blurred into an urge. So you purge every day, hoping to throw up the pain. These demons eat your being from the inside out, filling you with nothing but doubts. Until it leaves you broken and afraid, weak and dissapointed at the mess you made.
You fill the blunt up with nuggets of your grief. You roll up the hurts in a gutted leaf. You think the exhale will blow way your problems into the air. You’ll laugh as they evaporate and then you just stare. What you don’t realize is you only broke down maybe a gram or two, but that doesn’t kill the negativity growing inside of you. You sniff up that white powder like it’s your only way to get by. Not seeing that every sniffed line is a detriment to your human life line. You feel stuck, cemented down. All your friends live on top of mountains, while you continue to drown. You try to muster up enough energy and courage to face another day but that prayer seems unanswered and those tears show no cure. You want more when see everyone moving and growing around you, as you stagnantly whither and crumble. You forget who are you so the walk becomes a stumble.
Its not a good feeling to wake up wishing an end. Waiting for the days to be over so your soul can mend. Time goes by so slow you feel yourself getting older, drink so much you forget what its like to be sober. You can’t seem to find the answer at the bottom of that bottle, so you try another. Five cans down, five to go. You keep drinking to forget you are so depressed and low. All you can think about is getting in your car, driving far, and letting go of the wheel as you look to the stars.
And through this all, we forget that God gives his biggest, most rigorous, battles to the strongest soldiers. He is our molder. If he thinks we are strong, in times of difficulty why should we think any differently? We were created to be tested but to also strive. No one will give you a map to the perfect position of your life. You have to put yourself there by deciding that you want the light. You are more powerful than any addiction and Gods plan for your life is a perfect creation. You matter more to your mother than you think. Your friends cherish you more than they show. I am here to tell you, you matter and you can get better if your up for the challenge. Your life is purposeful and you are too beautiful to let your existence waste away and dull. God will arrange it but He will not change it. It is up to you to invest in the betterment of yourself. It is up to you to shut your demons up. Live or die? It’s up to you to say “I want better, so enough is enough.”